I travelled to Chicago for work last month. Whenever I travel and run development work I always learn so much about myself. When I am surrounded by people taking on their biggest fears it inspires me to look again at myself and what I need to take on. Especially when I’m traveling, I find it easier to gain awareness because I’m outside of my normal environment.
Here is what I discovered, it’s not pretty friends.
I realized that I was not fully experiencing my pregnancy because I don’t want to be like everyone else. Gross. EVERYONE gets excited about pregnancy. EVERYONE thinks it’s a miracle.
When we were planning our wedding I dreaded dress shopping. I hated being around all the swooning soon-to-be-brides, gushing over the frills and fanciness of dresses that all looked the same to me.
I scoff at the trends that sweep lululemon staff- hobo wallet? No way! Silver Tiffany rings? Ugh. The current Nike Free obsession? PASS. If EVERYONE has it, I don’t want it.
What I realized last month was that I’d spent the first 13 weeks of my pregnancy pretending like I’m too cool to get excited. Too cool to get emotional when I think about being a mom and Adam being a dad. I haven’t let myself really feel all of the emotions because EVERYONE feels all of the emotions.
So I came clean with Adam. I told my sisters. I talked about it with my friends at work. I let myself cry while reading a birth story in a book. And biggest win? I bought a Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon T for our unborn child (with some light prodding from a few friends). It was the first step in accepting this is real and exciting.
And then, on Valentine’s Day, we heard the baby’s heartbeat.
From concept to reality in that moment. I am building a tiny body and soul in my own body. This tiny being was created by Adam and I. Every choice I make right now impacts who this baby will be. I am responsible for so much more.
So I’m getting over it. Everyone gets excited because it IS a miracle. Being present is a struggle for me sometimes because I get so caught up in my “I’m different than you” version of looking good.
Wow. WOW. I’m pregnant.
XO Chlo
It’s so positive to hear that you are fully embracing the joys of pregnancy. It’s a little miracle and lasts for such a short while. It’s amazing that you were able to self-actualize in this manner so early on. Such skill in self-awareness is one of the many wonderful qualities you will bring to motherhood.
Xoxo
Thanks for sharing Chloe! What a blessed little soul you are bringing into the world. Pregnancy is an exciting journey full of opportunities to really dig deep into who you are – I had LOTS of “aha’s” and “wakeup calls” about who I choose to be. It was a huge magnifier for things that I didn’t want to look at in myself – but HAD to so that I could become the type of mama I want to be. Congrats!
Chloe!
Wow. Great insight. I too live I don’t want what everyone else has because I’m different! I don’t know if it’s because I am the middle of four girls or what but it’s there! (probably doesn’t help to hear someone is the “same” in this case…)
Being a mother is the coolest thing that ever happened to me! If being a great Mom who is excited and passionate about loving and raising her child is the latest trend I think the world will be a better place because of it! That is one trend I am happy to follow!
Xo
WOW! I am sooooo happy for you, I sit here with tears of happiness reading what you posted. What a lucky little one to have two truly amazing & exceptional parents.
So happy! XO
Thanks so much for this articulation of something I was starting to do. I tend towards the iconoclastic too, and I’m 4 weeks pregnant. I’ve decided to be really cliche and super excited, and for once in my life to be a joiner.